4 days to transfer

The countdown starts. It's only 3 day's and I fly to Kiev to do a frozen egg transfer. Why Kiev?? On our last IVF cycle we ran out of money so we decided to look abroad where the prices are more affordable. After months of research I decided on the ISIDA clinic in Kiev. We contacted them and they answered quickly so we went with it. I didn't know what to expect on going there but we were delighted with the clinic which was far newer and cleaner and more professional than the clinic we used here. On our first trip we spent a week there we did the tourist thing so we had a little holiday too..

This time I will only go for two nights. I arrive in the day before the transfer and I leave the day after. We decided that DH will not come with me this time as we want to save money as if this doesn't work plan B is to try for one fresh cycle again in July/August. However that will then be the end of the road for us as emotionally and financially we will be drained. I don't know what it is about IVF but I always find it seems more bearable if I have a plan B, something to fall back on if the cycle fails, a safety net..

I feel a bit more positive today. The past few days have been dark and I have been quiet emotional and angry. Today I am more focused. One step at a time, I even allowed myself a moment to think about what if it does work, I mean really work and I get to take a baby home. It was a nice thought but I didn't allow myself to dwell on it for too long.

This time I am not doing much preparation work. I am eating well and doing a little exercise, but still drinking caffeine and having a few glasses of wine. I will give it all up in a couple of days, but for now I will enjoy my little vices. I have done the whole acupuncture, homeopathy and Brazil nut thing but to be honest I didn't have much luck on those cycles so now I just want to be relaxed.. I am drinking pineapple juice though, but that is because I like it.

I just wish I could predict the future, and know what the outcome will be. Instead I have to make up outcomes in my head and how I will cope with each one. I will be reading over this post in a couple of weeks and I will have the answer!!

I have decided only to tell my sister about this cycle. Thats how we did it in the past,since we lost the boys I have told people close to me about my IVF journey, but I think it is easier not to have to answer questions on it. Today a friend called she has been very supportive over the past few months. Inside my head I wanted to tell her, to get it off my chest and to talk about it. But I stopped myself as another little voice was saying no keep it quiet protect yourself. I only told my sister as she was asking too many questions about where I was going, that if I started making up stuff I don't know where I would have ended up.

So here goes, tomorrow I start Progesterone and I stop the nasal spray. The best thing about the frozen egg cycle is that there is very little to do, as in taking medications. I am on vitamins, aspirin, estrogen and nasal spray. Usually at this stage I am in a panic as I generally have messed up and I have taken the wrong dose of a drug or missed an injection, or missed taking something completely, but thankfully not this time.

One step at a time...four days to transfer!!!