India

I arrived in India yesterday, the idea is to get some time away to help with the healing process. I am in a place I know well, we come here every year. My sister and friend have come with me and Dh will come in two weeks. We stay with an old friend of Dh who knows all that has happened.

I thought this would be a great place to relax and get healthy. Very few people know me here so I thought at least I don't have to be afraid of meeting people. However that doesn't seem to be the case. The restaurant were we stay the staff knew I was pregnant. The first thing I was asked yesterday was about the baby. I just nodded no baby and i had to leave. Today again I was asked I replied the babies are dead. What else could I say and just hearing myself say those words has broken my heart again, tears streaming down my face I had to run for cover.

No matter where you go you can't get away. There is no place to run to, there is nowhere to hide. The grief exists everywhere. I am just do f****** sad.