Day 6 : What not to say. If I am honest I think I have been very lucky in terms of people not saying the right thing. I have had very few bad comments, most people have been good. I think what has been the most hurtful is people saying nothing, pretending nothing ever happened.
The first what not to say comment I wrote is 'I feel your pain'. This was said to me several times by someone really close to me. At first I said nothing but then I answered back, how could you feel my pain did you loose a child. It made me feel angry, even though I know that it was said by someone who did feel very sad that I had lost the twins, but still how could they know how it felt.
The second comment 'maybe it is for the best' was said to me by a lady who also lost twins and has a child with a disability. We were discussing baby Arthur and his neonatal journey, she was saying how difficult life is with a severely disabled child. I was a little taken a back. I think I answered that it doesn't matter when your child is in front of you that is all that matters in the world and I would make any sacrifice for them as all I wanted was for him to live.
Last week I met someone I hadn't seen since the babies were born, and they said congratulations what did you have, I was floored. I'm still recovering from that one but I think they are too.